The following are the ten most commonly cited reasons for divorce, drawn from various records, and in no particular order.

Differences in priorities

A difference in priorities, which a lot of men and women discuss and anticipate prior to their marriage, can become major issues at a later stage.

Religious, cultural or ethnic differences

Couples of different religious, cultural or ethnic background may sometimes disregard the expectations of each other’s religion/culture/ethnicity, causing resentment. Conflict can also arise when children are involved, as most parents prefer their children to take on their own traditions.

Parental responsibilities

It often happens that spouses aren’t able to constructively co-parent their children. Differing ideas on how to raise children commonly cause rifts in a marriage. They may have different approaches to discipline, with one parent taking the hardline while the other goes for a softer approach. This can lead to the children favouring the one parent over the other, forming two camps, and creating tension and resentment in the marriage.

Finances

When times are tough, marriages take strain. Married couples, whether happy or not, may disagree about certain financial issues, which if not resolved can put undue stress on their relationship.

Sexual incompatibility

Men and women differ emotionally, mentally and sexually. Things change as the marriage progresses, i.e. children are born, health challenges arise and careers change. All these things can impact a couple’s sexual relationship. If a spouse is not being physically fulfilled, he/she will look elsewhere. In most cases, sexual dissatisfaction will result in divorce.

Addiction

Addiction of any kind is like a black hole, sucking in everything in its path of destruction, throwing family life off balance the stronger it gets, putting undue strain on relationships. Whether the addiction is to alcohol, drugs or, increasingly, pornography or social networking, the effect is the same.

Social networking

Social media is affecting privacy and family interaction more and more, as it blurs the lines between public and private domains. The nature of these media outlets encourages free-spirited posting, commenting and sharing of information, often thoughtlessly. Spouses who spend countless hours on social networks to the exclusion of valuable family interaction, create a disconnect that often cannot be repaired, and divorce follows. What is posted on social networking sites is not as private as many think, and flirting is cited as the cause of an increasing number of divorces. With a multitude of profiles just a click away, it has made it really easy for people to see if the grass is greener on the other side.

Infidelity

Infidelity/adultery, more commonly known as ‘cheating’, is near the top of the list of reasons for divorcing in South Africa. Adultery is defined as extramarital sex that willfully and maliciously interferes with marriage relations, leading to the irretrievable breakdown of the marriage relationship. Infidelity undermines the root of the relationship, namely trust, and is a violation of the mutually agreed rules or boundaries that a couple assumes when they start their relationship.

Abuse

Abuse is one of the top reasons for divorce. Abuse occurs in all age groups, ethnic groups and class groups, and comes in a variety of forms, from physical abuse (domestic violence) to verbal, emotional, psychological and even financial abuse. It can include things like telling a child they are unwanted, name-calling, ignoring, restricting a person to a room, monitoring phone calls, forcing a spouse into doing something that he/she is uncomfortable with and withholding finances. Abusers can be male or female and abuse can occur in heterosexual relationships, same-sex relationships and parent-child relationships. While women and children are the most victimised, men are also abused, especially verbally and emotionally, although sometimes physically too.

Lack of communication

Lack of communication is the single biggest cause of divorce and accounts for almost 70% of all marital breakdowns. Without proper communication, no relationship can survive. Good communication does not mean always agreeing with each other. Couples with communication problems that usually lead to divorce are often unable to find a middle ground and are unwilling to compromise. A lack of communication in any area of a marriage can cause major damage to the relationship. Many couples lack communication when it comes to making decisions about finances, leading to financial problems and endless arguments.